He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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