I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
