I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
