we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
