I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
