please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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