win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize