DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
