you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
