Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
