Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
