I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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