Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
