My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm always down for nudity.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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