i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
