My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
