We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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