So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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