Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
