My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i will never coherently bang her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
