I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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