he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize