You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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