It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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