Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
