threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
