i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
