So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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