We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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