and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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