Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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