her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
