STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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