Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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