I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
