A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
