At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i now understand why vodka
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
