You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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