I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
