She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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