Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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