Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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