How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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