Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
