Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
