If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
