Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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