Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
