my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
