HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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