I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
