lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
