I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
