Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
