woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
im six kinds of drunk right now
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
