Banned from zoo.
Again?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize