it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
