I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
