I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
