after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize