Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
