I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
