So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
