You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
