i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
