well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
