dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
