If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize