cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
