covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
