see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
