The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
