Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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