Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize