Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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