Small penises have feelings too.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
