Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
