yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
