the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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