Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Randomize
