Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
