So drunk, too bad you don't want this
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
