I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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