3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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