4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How does one acquire holy water?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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