Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Drake has all the answers
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
