if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
