i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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