The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
